


Namesake

by Fallowfield



Category: Naruto, Naruto Shippuden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 10:58:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17099306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallowfield/pseuds/Fallowfield
Summary: Yahiko, a (sappy) man known for his speeches.





	Namesake

**Author's Note:**

> (An AU where Nagato died instead of Yahiko).  
> My gift for sleepycreepyhands, for the Akatsuki Gift Exchange 2018. I hope you like it!

I remember when, even as the battlefields lay still, the sky still smiled blue. That may have been the last time I saw it blue. A rainbow still stretched across it, like a promise. My teary eyes blurred it, and the only thought I could form was whether tears like this could cause a rainbow. Beams of light striking these beads of water, and they diffract and reflect, sharing this light with the other droplets. No matter how dark my world became, the sun could lazily spread its beams again. It would reflect from your eyes to our village.

That was when you were here. You were always quiet. Always careful and gentle. Your voice was never harsh. The sun’s rays touched our faces.

But when you were no longer here, there was no sunlight. The rain and the tears ran together. The clouds loomed, heavy, and seemed to steal the air from us. I looked down at you, the blood mixing with the water. Static shot through my hands, then they were numb. My head was empty, bruised. No words fell from my mouth, and I was mute for a month. I’d promised you that we were going to stop this rain. And I didn’t manage to before we lost you.

You always worried you were holding us back. But when I think about it, you might have made a better leader than I do. 

When I imagine the peace, I see crowds. I hear a loud and rapturous laughter consuming all the faces. I see glinting white teeth and hand holding. A song drifting up, a gentle motion, like rocking an infant. The children running barefoot through the flowers.

When you imagined the peace, you saw quiet. You saw golden wheat bending beneath your weight. You didn’t see empty fields, strewn with debris. There was no ruin. It was a quiet abundance, the famine long conquered. You sought contentment, the lack of violence. You wanted everyone to be able to shut their eyes while they slept, let their doors stand unlocked.

Sometimes I feel there’s a selfishness to having such a public face. They look up to me like some sort of savior. But you. You wouldn’t have taken the credit. You probably wouldn’t have even shown your face. You’d organize everything, thoughtful to everyone’s purpose and wellbeing. Some faceless prince. A god, even. But here I am, standing up here above the village, as if I’m wearing a cape, and they cheer. There’s a falsehood to it. Because what can I do? I don’t have the quiet patience you do. I always seem to burst in. I can’t lie in wait until the right moment. I’m always deafened by my own heartbeat.

I can never sit still, even sitting here thinking about your peace. If I stop moving the ghosts arise, draping a gauze over my eyes and pinning shards of ice along my spine. Their cold hands cradle my face. Please tell me that wherever you are, it isn’t so cold. That your clothes aren’t always damp and the sunlight is gentle. Sometimes Konan catches me with tears in my eyes, but I make sure to blink them away. She only deserves glowing smiles. I can’t stand when I see her cut her eyes downward, her eyelashes brushing her cheeks. 

Would the Rinnegan see through this? Would the ghosts plague you if you were here, Nagato? I couldn’t keep you safe. I can’t stand it. But I will do all I can to take care of Konan for you. And our village too. How did it become ours?

I always think of you. Especially in the early morning. Any spectre of light outside wakes me, even through the rain clouds. The mist coalesces and meanders, its vague shapes forming mirages over the dim city. Then it seems to ripple and form rings. A Rinnegan. I see it in everything. When Konan pours me tea, spiraling to the rim of the china. As I read letters, the handwriting speaking to me. Maybe it is you watching us from every corner.

I could ponder and stare out endlessly, letting the wind stroke me, brushing my hair backward with a loving hand. I always feel guilty that I’m filled with manic energy that radiates through the whole room, no matter how much I want to stay still for Konan. I don’t want to disturb her. She always sleeps so peacefully. I want that to stay. I want us all to truly feel peace.

In the public’s eye I have endless stamina, their faithful leader. But the fatigue is catching up to me. I know that must be hard to imagine for you. I was always bouncing off the walls. It was hard to realize. Even if Konan and I stopped all the war. Even if we never bled again, you would still be gone. Our families would still be gone. Maybe we’ll never personally see the fruits of our labor. But we aren’t children anymore. And whenever I see one, I remember how all this isn’t for us. Even if all three of us lie still together, it’s so no other child has to live what we have lived.

Damn you, Nagato. Damn you for having to go. I wish I had been me who had stepped in front of you. Why would you save me? You were supposed to be Jiraiya’s hero. Maybe you were.

It’s why we need peace, Nagato. It’s always the tenderest who are taken from us first. In a world without such war and greed, you would still be with us.

I hope where you are now, you can rest. Konan and I think of you every day.

But for now I open the doors before me, greeting the bright faces of an expectant crowd. Our village. Our Akatsuki. I smile wide. It’s what you would have told me to do. But we do one thing you never told us to do. We say your name. Konan and I say your name. When we stop these wars, when we bring peace, we will always say your name. We will not forget you, and neither will they. Your name will be the first name said, the namesake of our peace. We will say Nagato finally brought it to us. Thank you. But for now, I lift my sword, and we step closer every day.

**Author's Note:**

> Catch me on twitter @fallofield!


End file.
